


The Nightmare Never Ended

by orphan_account



Series: This Misery Changes Every Memory, This Happiness Taints My Darkest Days With Glory. [3]
Category: 8 Out of 10 Cats RPF, Wall of Fame RPF
Genre: Attack, Drugs, M/M, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-27
Updated: 2012-01-27
Packaged: 2017-10-30 04:53:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/327962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Last time you said that, I passed out and I don't know WHAT happened..."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Nightmare Never Ended

**Author's Note:**

> The quote is taken from Wall of Fame when David says 'shhh' to Jimmy as they're about to start Synchronized chair swimming.

Nothing happened. You know that and in some part of Jimmy’s mind he knows that too, knows you wouldn’t take advantage of him when he was so vulnerable like that. You can’t really blame him for not believing you though, he was drugged and you’ve never found out who did it, whoever it was is lucky for that.

You just remember Jimmy collapsing into your arms at the pub, you remember thinking he was just drunk so you carried him outside and hailed a cab, he didn’t let go of you the whole ride home. You remember managing to pay the cabby and yelling something like ‘keep the change’ as you carried Jimmy out of the car and up to your hotel room. You’ll never forget the sound of Jimmy’s breathing or the erratic beating of his heart, the way he wasn’t really awake but wasn’t exactly asleep either. You remember crawling into bed beside him, hugging him close, the way he gave the smallest most pathetic whimper you’ve ever heard in your life. Shhh, shh, sleep, Jimmy…You remember the way his eyes drifted closed.

It wasn’t until the next morning, you remember, when he woke up and couldn’t remember much of the night before, snippets and snatches that didn’t help create any sort of picture, except maybe one that could have been done by Picasso. You remember exactly how it felt when Jimmy had leaned over the bed and vomited right into the bucket you’d placed for him last night. You remember how he wouldn’t stop throwing up and how he kept shaking, but you don’t think you’ll ever forget seeing him seizing on the bed, the way he went completely still afterwards, the call to 999 as you put him in the recovery position, the way your body shut down as the front door was kicked in and the medics arrived…

You don’t know how you managed to laugh it off on TV, don’t know how you managed to keep the bad memories away. How you managed to ward off the sound of sirens wailing, someone gasping, rushed jargon in your ear. How you managed to ignore the oh-god-I-can-not-breathe-I-am-dying-please-someone-help-me feeling that threatened to rear it’s ugly head again. How you managed to just laugh with everyone else and move on with the scene. 

The show ends on such a happy note, but you aren’t happy. As everyone goes back to their dressing rooms, you follow Jimmy to his, locking the door behind you. 

“I don’t get it.” you say to him, leaning back against the door. He looks up at you and he frowns.

“Don’t get what?” he asks, you can’t take it. You’re breaking, the emotions, the memories, they’re taking over. 

“Don’t you dare play dumb, Jimmy. You don’t get to play dumb, you’re too smart for that.” you say and you’re shaking, trying to keep everything in check. “How can you joke about that, Jimmy? How can you…? That was… that was the most horrible time in my life, Jimmy. I thought you were going to… you could have… you shouldn’t joke about that, Jimmy. You were really, really, really sick and half the time you didn’t even know which way was up and I couldn’t bear to watch but I couldn’t look away in case you needed me and you always needed me.” you pause, blinking away the tears that are threatening to fall, he stares at you, silent. “It’s not a joke, Jimmy… you think I enjoyed rubbing your back and watching you purging your stomach? You think I liked watching you writhe in front of me, helpless to do anything but wait? You think it was fun watching you recover from something that very nearly killed you? It wasn’t fun, Jimmy… drowning is better than that…” you try to ignore the way your voice kept breaking and the way the tears kept falling from your eyes. You bury your head in your hands, taking deep, calming breaths to regain control. Jimmy pulls you to him and hugs you tight.

“I’m sorry, David. I didn’t think it would affect you so badly, turning it into a joke makes it easier for me to deal with it… makes it less real…” he whispers into your ear. You just wrap your arms around him and hold on tight, the nightmare never ended for you… you’re still scared you’re going to wake up and Jimmy won’t be there anymore and sometimes when you hug him and your eyes close as you breathe him in, you’re afraid that when you open your eyes, Jimmy’s going to be gone and you’ll be alone, alone with your thoughts, your memories and the overwhelming guilt that you should have noticed the effects of the drugs sooner, that you should have gotten him to the Hospital faster. But you open your eyes and Jimmy’s still hugging you and you can feel his breath on your neck and you know he’s not gone, but… the nightmare will never end for you. You can not wake from this dream for it is reality and the memory of what could have happened, what was happening is far too painful in your mind that you can never be rid of it, not even now, with Jimmy safe in your arms. The nightmare never ended for you.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't own any of these people of course. Mainly because they're real people but you know, what evers...


End file.
